Andrew Fountain - Having Healthy Boundaries


Sermon Outline - Having Healthy Boundaries

Here are some resources on having healthy boundaries

Having Healthy Boundaries

The goal is to learn what boundary problems are, and how we can develop healthy boundaries.

Boundary Problems

  1. The Invaded (fear)
  2. The Invader (control)
  3. The Over-protector (remove consequences)
  • How we get boundary problems
  • How to have healthy boundaries

A. The Invaded (Trouble saying “no”)

  • When a person does something out of negative emotional pressure:
  • fear of anger
  • fear of upsetting
  • fear of losing friendship
  • fear of being made to feel guilty
  • or emotions of anxiety, shame or worthlessness

Abraham & Sarah – Genesis 20

  1. When God made me wander from my father’s house, I told her, ‘This is what you can do to show your loyalty to me: Every place we go, say about me, “He is my brother.”’

    “if you really loved me”

God: Law of sowing and reaping, Gal 6

  1. Do not be deceived. God will not be made a fool. For a person will reap what he sows,
  2. because the person who sows to his own flesh will reap corruption from the flesh, but the one who sows to the Spirit will reap eternal life from the Spirit.

Genesis 2

  1. Then the LORD God commanded the man, “You may freely eat fruit from every tree of the orchard,
  2. but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil,
    or you’ll make God really, really sad.
  3. …for when you eat from it you will surely die.”

Jesus’s Gospel Message Luke 9

  1. And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.
    • and you will make me very happy?
  2. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.

Galatians 6

  1. Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.
  2. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
  3. But let each one test his own work,…
  4. For each will have to bear his own load.…
  5. Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.

B. The Invader

  • “If you do that you’ll make Grandma really sad”
  • What should she have said?
  • “It’s wrong to do that. If you decide to do it then...”

C. The Over-protector (remove consequences)

  • Most commonly parents
  • Children sow but never have to reap
  • This encourages them to be invaders
  • But what about grace?


Because Christ also suffered once for sins,

the just for the unjust,

to bring you to God, [1Pet 3:18]

Getting Boundary Problems

  1. The Invaded (fear)
    • Grow up in a household where emotions are used to ensure behaviour
    • Creates “people-pleasers”
  2. The Invader (control)
    • Grow up in a household where there are no consequences

Having Healthy Boundaries

  • Recognise the problem in yourself and others
  • Let your self-worth come from God
  • Be filled with the Spirit:
    • Wisdom in knowing your own heart, and the hearts of others
    • A felt sense of the love of God so you will not be acting out of need
  • Sometimes we need tough love with others
  • John 12
    1. Nevertheless, even among the rulers many believed in him, but because of the Pharisees they would not confess Jesus to be the Christ, so that they would not be put out of the synagogue.
    • 43. For they loved praise from men more than praise from God.

Creating Boundaries: 2 Thess 3

  1. For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat.
  2. For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies.
  3. Now such persons we command and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living.
  • The best Bible passage on boundaries

2 Corinthians 5

  1. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him.
  2. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.
  3. We are not trying to commend ourselves to you again, but are giving you an opportunity to be proud of us, so that you may be able to answer those who take pride in outward appearance and not in what is in the heart.…
  4. For the love of Christ controls us…
  5. and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.

Updated on 2017-11-28 by Andrew Fountain