Having Healthy Boundaries

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The goal is to learn what boundary problems are, and how we can develop healthy boundaries.

Boundary Problems

When God made me wander from my father’s house, I told her, ‘This is what you can do to show your loyalty to me: Every place we go, say about me, “He is my brother.”’

“if you really loved me”

Do not be deceived. God will not be made a fool. For a person will reap what he sows,
because the person who sows to his own flesh will reap corruption from the flesh, but the one who sows to the Spirit will reap eternal life from the Spirit.

Then the LORD God commanded the man, “You may freely eat fruit from every tree of the orchard,
but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil,
or you’ll make God really, really sad.
…for when you eat from it you will surely die.”

And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.
and you will make me very happy?
For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.

Once again, sowing and reaping
Joy amoung the angels in heaven, but that parable is about the value of even one sheep.
But having poor boundaries doesn’t only let invaders in,
We can have trouble in general saying no
Call from a very good cause wanting a website
I could do it, and they would pay me, but I have too much on my plate.

I managed to summon up my boundaries and say “no”
Sometimes I’m not so good
From time to time people who are not connected with Newlife want to have long phone conversations with me just to complain about all their problems.
- A while ago this happened, one evening when I was really busy and after about 1/2 hour I came to my senses...
They were not being manipulative—I just didn’t have good enough boundaries
Not that long ago someone (not from Newlife) emailed me with a difficult theological question
- I started working on it, even though I didn’t have time.
- They were not actully being an invader—nothing they did was wrong
- I just wanted to please them by coming up with an answer—not a good motive
- Thankfully I realized that God had not given me this task, so I didn’t have to do it.
Allowing other people to make choices about our resources
- Love does not mean being at everyone’s behest

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.
Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
But let each one test his own work,…
For each will have to bear his own load.…
Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.

Because Christ also suffered once for sins,

the just for the unjust,

to bring you to God, [1Pet 3:18]

The Invaded (fear)
- Grow up in a household where emotions are used to ensure behaviour
- Creates “people-pleasers”
The Invader (control)
- Grow up in a household where there are no consequences

Recognise the problem in yourself and others
Let your self-worth come from God
Be filled with the Spirit:
- Wisdom in knowing your own heart, and the hearts of others
- A felt sense of the love of God so you will not be acting out of need
Sometimes we need tough love with others

For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat.
For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies.
Now such persons we command and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living.

So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him.
For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.
We are not trying to commend ourselves to you again, but are giving you an opportunity to be proud of us, so that you may be able to answer those who take pride in outward appearance and not in what is in the heart.…
For the love of Christ controls us…
and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.