• Why are we having our Talent Showcase today?
  • It’s about strengthening community
  • This is one of the core values of Newlife Church and today I want to talk about why
  • I’ll also be building on some of the things that Tafari has been saying in his James series.
• Part of that value is reflected in the way we have interaction during the sermons
  • But please can I ask you not to interrupt me
  • I have times when I ask for response, but if you have an amazing thought while I am speaking, you’ll have to just hold on to it.

1. Words have real power

• We have a saying “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me”
  • But that is not what the book of Proverbs says:

• How can this be true?
  • Jesus took the broken and demoralized Peter and restored him to leadership with a few carefully chosen words
  • Satan said a few words to Eve that destroyed her confidence in God
• Parents can speak words into the hearts of their children which are death or life
  • I remember in about 1994 I had some critical decisions to make about my future
  • I remember spending some time with my Dad and him telling me that whatever I decided to do he would support me.
• surface community
  • Hi, how are you doing?
  • Great, and you?
  • Yes, fine... (we assume that the person is not really interested)
  • (I try never to say that because you rarely get a truthful answer.
    instead I say something like “how has work been this week” —more specific)

• Words can also bring death, they can be like poison, buried in the heart.
  • “you’ll never amount to anything”
  • “why can’t you be like James, your older brother?” (Terry Hopgood) —frequent suicide attempts
  • “You were a mistake—I naver wanted you and wish you hadn’t been born” (Brian’s mum)
  • Crabb (Encouragement) p.23
  • but positive example: p.23 (2 lines from bot) → p.25
• So in the first part of this talk we’ve seen that Words have real power:
  • Life words, death words, Surface words

• Have you ever been in a situation where you haven’t a clue what to say and you just cry out:
  “Lord, help me!”
  • e.g. asked to visit a man who had cancer, days to live, not a Christian.
  • Face was all swollen up
    • panic! what on earth...? Lord help me! (don’t remember)
• Romans 12:8 lists encouragement as one of the gifts of the Spirit
  • many of the gifts, belong to some extent to all Christians
  • e.g. hospitality, faith, mercy
  • this is a similar kind of gift
    • some have it in a special way, like Barnabas
    • but we should all desire to be encouragers
    • e.g. Bronwyn & Larry Darmanin

B. The motives of our heart

• Why do we take part in a conversation?
  • Not that long ago I had several conversations with people in which I was...
  • More and more frustrated... (why Andrew?) because I had a good story to tell
    • for whose benefit was I telling it?
  • Last week met up with some old friends
    • He started telling me about all that had happened to him in the last few years
    • after ½ hour... surely he is going to ask me...!
      • Lord, maybe you just want me to focus on him.
• I was once in a church where there was a lady who always had lots of advice for people
  • If you so much as mentioned a problem, you would get advice, and lots of it.
  • She didn’t even need to spend much time listening to your problem...
    • It seemed that her motive was to meet a need in herself...
  • very few people went to her for advice

• when we give advice too quickly, we are really saying
  • “You are so stupid that you need me to tell you how to live your life”
• sometimes underneath we have a desire to show how “wise” we are
• It has been said that most people actually know what to do, they just need encouragement to do it.
  • I find it helpful to say “what do you think you should do?”
    • amazing how many people then say exactly what you would have told them to do, but it is much better if it is their idea!
• Sometimes there is a lot at risk when we know we have to have a difficult conversation with a person
  • I had heard that a person was talking behind my back
  • It was so hard for me to work up the strength to bring up the subject
  • Much easier to stay on surface conversations
  • In the end I took the risk, and everything was sorted out between us
• Anne and I met a couple years ago who had lost a child.
  • As we talked about surface things, I sensed there was a lot of pain beneath the surface
  • I took the risk and asked some leading questions
    • I could have been angrily rebuffed
    • instead they poured out their hearts to us for a couple of hours.
      • They were so thankful—not a single other Christian, including their pastor—had had the courage to ask.
    • 25 years later we still get Christmas cards from them
• So in conclusion, if we are going into a conversation, and our unconscious goal is to make us look better, then we are unlikely to bless the person
• Proverbs 10:20 says:
  The tongue of the righteous is choice silver;
  the heart of the wicked is of little worth.

• Avoid giving advice
• Don’t try tell them how to fix their problem
• A computer consultant, Jack Phillips, does work both for you and for another member of your department (Joyce Carton). One morning you walk up to Jack’s desk and he greets you as follows:
  • Jack: What am I supposed to do about Joyce? She throws more work at me than I can possibly handle. I’ve told her but she won’t listen. I don’t want people to think I’m trying to get out of doing my job but she’s really got me totally buried

3. Our highest calling is to love one another

• Finally I want to quote from Phil 2:1–5

• This is one of the main ways we show love to one another—in the way we communicate
• Sometimes we think “If only I didn’t have all these problem people in my life, then I could get on with the destiny God has called me into”
• But actually, the problem people are the destiny!
• Our highest calling is to love one another
  • one of the main ways we accomplish this is by loving words.